dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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