My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
