God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
