True but thats because hes a fetus.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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