just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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