Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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