Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize