Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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