8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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