I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
