Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
