my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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