Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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