you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
