Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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