So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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