Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
