So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
