All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
