True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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