I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
