that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
