Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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