I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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