Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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