Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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