I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
