I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
