from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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