Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
