dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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