You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
