do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
