Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
