dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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