I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.