So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
