Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.

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  (647): hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight. http://tfl.nu/a6ne
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (2019)
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  (858): View more from California

  that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...

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  (858): that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey... http://tfl.nu/6cil
  Replies (12) Good night (4224) Bad night (751)
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  (805): View more from California

  I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

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  (805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3
  Replies (23) Good night (768) Bad night (2712)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.

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  (804): remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt. http://tfl.nu/2ukp
  Replies (9) Good night (762) Bad night (3327)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

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  (412): i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on http://tfl.nu/87g6
  Replies (38) Good night (5993) Bad night (994)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...

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  (480): This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk... http://tfl.nu/3yzu
  Replies (26) Good night (1650) Bad night (3428)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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  (630): I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea. http://tfl.nu/9kka
  Replies (9) Good night (4893) Bad night (1099)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

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  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (4193) Bad night (1277)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.

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  (413): So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge. http://tfl.nu/jdua
  Replies (20) Good night (2151) Bad night (3760)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.

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  (416): you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall. http://tfl.nu/i92r
  Replies (11) Good night (4414) Bad night (892)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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  (770): How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden http://tfl.nu/1f55
  Replies (10) Good night (3820) Bad night (1019)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?

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  (302): Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak? http://tfl.nu/m53g
  Replies (15) Good night (1511) Bad night (358)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.

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  (314): struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window. http://tfl.nu/5555
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (291)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?

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  (814): Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months? http://tfl.nu/ebp4
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (193)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?

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  (973): Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar? http://tfl.nu/k32t
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (157)

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