You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
