the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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