so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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