Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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