I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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