Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
