Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
