I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
