hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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