u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
