i barfeds in our rink
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
