so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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