Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
