whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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