Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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