I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
