i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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