You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
