then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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