I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
this is an emotional support booty call
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize