I'm so fucking centered right now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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