I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
where does the pee come out of this thing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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